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Sunday, December 5, 2010

Chou Den-o Red: The Festival of Suck

Sorry about the late post, I've just been busy. Work and such. :-/

I know what you're thinking. "When the F*ck will Den-o die?" The answer: never. He's been turned into a kid, and did that stop him? No. Series is over, does that stop him? No, he just sticks his infinite climax d^ck into everyone else's movies (What were you expecting a Kiva movie? Too bad bitch!). I mean don't get me wrong, I like Den-o. he's one of my favorite riders in the Heisei era, but come on! All go thing come to an end, that means you, too, Den-o!

Anyway, back to the matter at hand: another F'ing Den-o movie. At first I though I might enjoy this one, for a change. I mean the intro suggests that they might actually be able to "fix" the whole Yuuto clusterf*ck, but boy was I wrong.


So the movie opens with Ryotaro helping his sister Airi out renovating the ol' Milk Dipper. Suddenly Momotaros (of course) possesses Ryotaro to tell him of the dire plot the Piggies Imagin are hatching. Looks like they have hijacked the DenLiner, and they are running a crazy loop though January 2010 and the sands of time (not to be confused withe horrible movie, mind you).

M-Taro takes off. Airi keeps working away, Ozaki and Miura fawning over her all the while, until she's attacked by street punks out to do some rapin' (which seems kinda harsh for a KIDS DRAMA!). M-Taro rushes back in to save the day, and to figure out who sent the punks, because there's always a ring leader when rapin' involved. Low and behold, it's a Yuuto! Wow, what an upstanding dude!

Retreating to the DenLiner to think about what they learned today, we see that ol' cast again: the Owner, the Imagin gang, Kohana and of course the most important of the all, Naomi.

Oh, Rina Akiyama. . .

Snap back to reality. While the Owner does his thing with a tape measurer and the group discusses crap, Deneb appears. He begs them to find Yuuto (probably so they can rape the timeline again), and to keep they DenLiner in check, they decide to anchor it in May 2010. Meanwhile, back in the "present" day, Yuuto saves Airi from more punks and blah, blah, more useless crap. I kinda tuned out during this part. Still kinda distracted by Oshirina . . .

Tuning back in, some strange dude in spying on the whole scene. His name is Major Creeper, I mean, Hiroshi Kikuchi. Seems as he's in cahoots with the Piggies to win the heart of Airi (he wants her heart, the Piggies could give a f*ck less, just to clarify).

Meanwhile back at the anchoring point, Momo sense the Piggies, but still injured from his earlier hi-jinks, he tells Ryo and Urataros to go off and find him. They fail, miserably of course, but at least we got to see rod form. They go back to discuss matters, and as Ryotaro leaves, the ropes holding the DenLiner breaks! Now he has no way of defending himself from the Piggies!

Airi gets attacked (again), and Ozaki and Miura can't help (again). Taken hostage, she must hope that someone, anyone will come to her aid. Ryotaro goes Plat Form (hehe it's funny every single time) and fails to save her when Yuuto shows up and goes Zero Form. Kikuchi, however, is waiting to run over both Piggie and Zeronos with a truck filled with gasoline (overkill much?). Piggie eventually gets fed up with the fact that Kikuchi is a total coward, throws Airi into the back of the truck, and tries to steal Kikuchi's time.

Fighting him off, Kikuchi takes off and Zeronos after him in the ZeroLiner/ZeroHorn. Ryotaro gives chase, runs into Momo, and they steal a tandem bike, cause that's a useful way a catching a truck.

Zeronos goes Vega, knocks Piggies off the truck, then proceeds to try and save Airi. Sword form Den-o and Piggies get it on (and Momo delivers his most awkward line ever). Zeronos, now in Altair form, saves Airi (who falls back in love with him [I'm saving you the trouble now]) and Kikuchi the worm. Meanwhile Den-o goes Climax form, and beats the crap out of Piggies. The rest of the movie is pretty much crap, and that's that.



By far one of the worst Kamen Rider movies, and definitely the worst Den-o movie to date. Hopefully Episode Blue and Yellow will be much better, but we can only hope. 5/10 only because of Climax finale and Zeronos's epic battle, other than that this movie was garbage.

I'm kinda backlogged on OOO, so I'll most likely post a multi-review of OOO 11 & 12. See you all then! Now back to Golden Sun!

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